Wow. It has been a long time since I have blogged. While we were on our journey to get pregnant with Norah, it helped me to clear my mind. A lot has changed since then, we got our beautiful baby Norah and her crazy brother, Bennett. What a gift they are to us. Challenging at times: yes..but a complete gift from above.
Luke and I have always wanted to have more than 2 kiddos, so the timing just seemed right after my brother Cass's wedding this summer. Norah and Bennett are 2 years apart so we thought "what the heck" we are in this crazy stage now, might as well add our third to the mix. It took about 3/4 months of trying for us this time around, which was minimal compared to our journey with Norah.
On the early Monday morning of November 12, I took a pregnancy test and we were both a little shocked when it read positive. My first trimester went OKAY with lots of headaches and puking only once..Which was the exact same symptoms I had with Bennett and Norah. One difference though, is that baby was growing quickly. I was showing in my 7th and 8th weeks. Baby Podey would be due July 22...I had gone over 4 days with Norah and Bennett, so we were hoping maybe a baby to celebreate Luke's birthday.
The holidays were no feat in hiding a pregnancy with two weddings, thanksgivng, anniversary parties, and Christmas. We ended up having to spoil the news when I was clearly NOT drinking at any of those parties. We told more people than we had with Norah and Bennett...The holiday was great, and we even enjoyed a vacation to Colorado with my family to celebrate my parents 40th birthday.
On January 1, was our sweet Norah's 1st birthday. The best day of 2019. We celebrated with a ride home from CO in the RV with pinatas and lots of birthday songs sang.
January 2. The worst day of 2019. I had my 11 week prenatal ultrasound with our doctor. Luke was running behind and I had gotten in a little earlier than planned, but I told him to come anyway. And I am SO glad I did. Dr Heim tried the dopplar and couldnt find the heartbeat..which was the similar experience as Norah and Bennett. Luke got there after that..Thank God. We went into the ultrasound room where Dr Heim tried to find the baby on the ultrasound...no luck. So, she sent us down to the ultrasound tech. After a normal ultra sound, the tech decided to do the intravaginal ultrasound..This is when it hit me that something could be wrong. I was 11 weeks and shouldnt need that. We went bck upstairs where Dr Heim broke the news...our baby had no heartbeat and died somewhere between 8 and 9 weeks. I had had a missed miscarriage and my body hadnt recognized it.
To be honest..I have lots of friends who have had miscarriages-but I niaevly had never even thought about the process when no heartbeat is detected. Oh boy.
The following days were a blur, trying to go back to school after break, act like everything was normal when it wasnt. I was still carrying my baby that wasnt alive, trying to be "on stage" with my preschoolers while I was dying inside. Trying to decide which way to go next for my health and to remove the baby from my body. I think that was the hardest...know which way to go. Wait, take a pill, D & C..What would be the best for me to grieve, keep my body safe, remember our baby the right way.
After LOTS of consulting with friends (God bless everyone who helped me). We opted for the D & C. Finally making a decision felt like a million pounds were taken off my shoulders. We had the weekend home with our kiddos and nothing else to do. I am SO grateful for the gift of those kiddos. They offered us relief and laughter..The dose of what I needed. Luke was so helpful in serving me those days. I am also so grateful for his servant and caring heart.
Norah...sweet 4 year old..noticed my heartache...noticed my pain. She also cried with us, prayed with us, and would give us cards and sweet pretend gifts to help ease the sadness. The night before my D&C, she laid in bed with me, held me, and sang "It is Well" by Lauren Diagle with tears rolling down both our faces.
Wednesday, January 9, 2019, we were able to have our D & C. It was a hard day but finally offered some closure for us. We arrived at same day surgery and EVERYONE was wonderful. People who had experience what we had went through mourned with us....Our doctor confirmed our decision was right after removal and what risk I could have had with the size of the placenta. And everything went well.
......
We may never know WHY this happened to us..but I do know this...The women who answered my questions, sent cards, hugs, texts, and shared their personal experiences were a saving grace. I will NEVER hide my story or fail to help another women who is experiencing this. I will mourn their loss with them, help them in their questions, and pray that my friends will have healthy babies.
